willowfae's Xanga

More to Love

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 02:54:00 GMT

My grandma was a big woman. She struggled with her weight her whole life. She is also the source of most of my food issues. She was mean. She would serve cheese dishes every time we came over just because she knew I couldn't eat them, and then yell at me for stealing crackers from the pantry. Apparently she wasn't always mean, though, because she had a great marriage with a man who loved her very much. He loved her enough to marry her when she was 17, and then live apart in secret for a year. He loved her enough to sneak pearl onions into her chocolate covered cherries just so he could see how pretty she looked when she was mad. Anyway, why am I telling you about my Grandma? Well, we’ll get there. Hang tight.

Last night, I watched the premiere of More to Love. It’s a dating show with a guy who likes plus-sized women and 20 overweight ladies. I wanted to see it because I am ALL for expanding the boundaries of Hollywood beauty, and I thought it might be fun, like She’s Got the Look (modeling contest for women over 35) or Drop Dead Diva. I also wanted to see if any of the girls were going to say that they didn’t like the bachelor. I’ve always wondered why no one ever just said “Hey, send me home- he’s not my type.” I mean, really, no matter how fantastic the guy, what are the odds that 20 random women are all going to find him to be perfect for them? Anyway, I watched the 1^st episode, and I came away feeling… sad... and sorry for the women on the show. It is supposed to be empowering. It is supposed to show that overweight women are beautiful too. But instead the women came off as desperate. One girl said she thought this was her last chance to have someone see her for herself instead of her size. Several had never had boyfriends. One had never been on a date because whenever someone asked her out she thought it was part of a mean prank. All of them seemed terribly desperate, and extremely grateful for the chance to date someone who thought they were pretty.

I don’t understand this whole mentality. I mean, I have always been bigger than average. I didn’t get “fat” per se until after I got married (sorry, Honey) but I was about 35 pounds over my goal on my wedding day. Yet, I have never had trouble finding someone to go out with me. I have never felt like I had to settle. I stuck with one guy through some stuff I shouldn’t have but it wasn’t because I felt like I couldn’t find anyone else, it’s because I loved him. When I met my husband, I picked him out, and pursued him, and never once thought I might be too big for him to find attractive. I also had a long distance relationship, an inappropriate friendship and 2 stalkers at the time. Apparently 35 lbs overweight was working for me! It never crossed my mind to accept anything less than someone who loves me inside and out, who respects me and thinks I am fantastic. And, as much as I have held a grudge against my Grandma all these years, I think I have her example to thank for that.

Thanks, Grandma. Thanks, Ryan, for letting me catch youJ. And thanks, More to Love, for making me realize that it is your attitude that determines how people see you so much more so than your size.

Go go Speed Racer baby!

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:59:20 GMT

Kari is a little speed demon in her walker. The hardwood floors really help her to get traction and she is faster than Ian ever was in it. She also rams into things that get in her way, like the carefully placed bar stool that was blocking Kyra’s food. She loves to run around and chase Ian, and he is such a sweetheart that he usually lets her. It’s really adorable.

Blowing Kisses!

Sat, 30 May 2009 01:23:34 GMT

Kari blew kisses today! For the first time! At who, you ask? Me? Her mommy who puts in countless hours caring for her? Of course not! At Aubrey, the next door neighbor. Oh well. It was still adorable.

I'm going to miss her...

Fri, 29 May 2009 14:22:04 GMT

I think it is time to move the baby to her own room. For the last week running, she has not woken me up a single time in the night. She has been going all night without eating for a couple of months, but until recently she was waking me up when she lost her pacifier- that has stopped now. And, the last several mornings, my husband's alarm has woken her up at 5am when I don't need to get up until 6:15. So, it's time for her to move.

She has been within arm's reach for the last 6 month (co-sleeper bassinet) and I am going to miss her terribly. It is very comforting to just glance over and see her there and her room is all the way upstairs. I feel like an era is ending, especially since this is my last baby. My husband doesn't quite understand why I am so sad but I know you guys will. I am thinking of setting up the aerobed in her room and sleeping in there the first few nights.

Kari is pointing!

Thu, 28 May 2009 02:00:55 GMT

Karina is consistently pointing at things that she wants now. The first time that she did it was on March 22nd, and the first thing she pointed at was Ian (of course!).

Kari eating cereal

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:49:17 GMT

Kari has been eating cereal for a few weeks now. She is consistently eating it every day now (except for last Saturday when I forgot L). She likes the rice better than the oatmeal and has gotten really good at opening her mouth for another bite. Only 1 more month till she can have pureed fruits and vegetables!

Kari is waving!

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:33:54 GMT

Kari has started waving goodbye if you wave at her. It’s so cute! It’s not a full on wave yet but she definitely lifts her hand. Yay Kari!

Kari kisses

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:14:00 GMT

Karina made a kissing noise at me tonight. I guess she COULD have been asking for her pacifier but it sure sounded like a kiss to me! So sweet!

Teething

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 12:43:48 GMT

Karina is teething. I know she’s not “supposed” to until she is closer to 6 months old, but apparently someone forgot to tell her. She wants to chew on everything in sight- her favorite thing is whoever is holding her’s finger. She has run a low grade fever a couple of days here and there and has constantly got her hand in her mouth. I can feel a tooth on the bottom left trying to poke through. I hope it makes it soon so she can have some relief!

Quit Smoking Again

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 20:36:20 GMT

I quit smoking Sunday. I am using the patch, but it is still hard. Ryan is still smoking. I really wanted him to go first this time but it didn’t work out that way. Ian was worrying about me because he knows my Dad basically died from smoking too many cigarettes. I don’t want him to have the stress that I always had worrying about my Dad so I’m going to give quitting my best shot.