My grandma was a big woman. She struggled with her weight her whole life. She is also the source of most of my food issues. She was mean. She would serve cheese dishes every time we came over just because she knew I couldn't eat them, and then yell at me for stealing crackers from the pantry. Apparently she wasn't always mean, though, because she had a great marriage with a man who loved her very much. He loved her enough to marry her when she was 17, and then live apart in secret for a year. He loved her enough to sneak pearl onions into her chocolate covered cherries just so he could see how pretty she looked when she was mad. Anyway, why am I telling you about my Grandma? Well, we’ll get there. Hang tight.

Last night, I watched the premiere of More to Love. It’s a dating show with a guy who likes plus-sized women and 20 overweight ladies. I wanted to see it because I am ALL for expanding the boundaries of Hollywood beauty, and I thought it might be fun, like She’s Got the Look (modeling contest for women over 35) or Drop Dead Diva. I also wanted to see if any of the girls were going to say that they didn’t like the bachelor. I’ve always wondered why no one ever just said “Hey, send me home- he’s not my type.” I mean, really, no matter how fantastic the guy, what are the odds that 20 random women are all going to find him to be perfect for them? Anyway, I watched the 1^st episode, and I came away feeling… sad... and sorry for the women on the show. It is supposed to be empowering. It is supposed to show that overweight women are beautiful too. But instead the women came off as desperate. One girl said she thought this was her last chance to have someone see her for herself instead of her size. Several had never had boyfriends. One had never been on a date because whenever someone asked her out she thought it was part of a mean prank. All of them seemed terribly desperate, and extremely grateful for the chance to date someone who thought they were pretty.

I don’t understand this whole mentality. I mean, I have always been bigger than average. I didn’t get “fat” per se until after I got married (sorry, Honey) but I was about 35 pounds over my goal on my wedding day. Yet, I have never had trouble finding someone to go out with me. I have never felt like I had to settle. I stuck with one guy through some stuff I shouldn’t have but it wasn’t because I felt like I couldn’t find anyone else, it’s because I loved him. When I met my husband, I picked him out, and pursued him, and never once thought I might be too big for him to find attractive. I also had a long distance relationship, an inappropriate friendship and 2 stalkers at the time. Apparently 35 lbs overweight was working for me! It never crossed my mind to accept anything less than someone who loves me inside and out, who respects me and thinks I am fantastic. And, as much as I have held a grudge against my Grandma all these years, I think I have her example to thank for that.

Thanks, Grandma. Thanks, Ryan, for letting me catch youJ. And thanks, More to Love, for making me realize that it is your attitude that determines how people see you so much more so than your size.  

Kari blew kisses today! For the first time! At who, you ask? Me? Her mommy who puts in countless hours caring for her? Of course not! At Aubrey, the next door neighbor. Oh well. It was still adorable.

Karina is consistently pointing at things that she wants now. The first time that she did it was on March 22nd, and the first thing she pointed at was Ian (of course!).